So i finally understand whats wrong with this family. Its that age gap between us. & duh theres of course an age gap between every child and her parents but the thing is that my parents are likely, maybe ten years older than other parents of children around me. And so its because of this age gap that i realise why i do not choose to confide in them. Because of this conservative family, i've learnt to keep things inside me and just shut up when it comes to personal matters. I believe we've only touched on the topic of puberty stuff like only 2-3 times only. Even topics on friends & relationship i've never told them anything before, & i dont think i will ever learn to talk about it with them. Sometimes i just wonder what kind of family is this. Its like so superficial, that kind of closeness other people see in us. I know of an example, where the child is able to talk freely about anything to the mother but she does not get much freedom when going out. This is like the difference between my mother and other mothers. My parents dont really care much about the friends i hang out with, or maybe they do ask. Just that i really dont wanna tell them. Its like, im not willing to share anything inside of me.

Even just now when i asked my father whether he would like to watch Mr Bean's movie with me, oh please, he said whats so nice about it. You know, i believe the last time our whole family watched a movie together was like Die Another Day. And it was because of my mum's company function thats why that chance. So if i didnt count that movie, the last movie really watched together should be jurassic park. How pathetic it is. Theres so many things recently which made me think of my childhood. I know someone who had a sad childhood, and that someone really can recall many stuff that happened. Actually im abit envious, i used to tell people i cant remember much of my childhood. And now i realise why, there's really nothing much to remember of my childhood. Its like so insignificant, like there's nothing important to remember of.

And i know that my brother isnt comfortable talking about stuff with the parents too. He's even worse than me, i realise.




The mother often touches me when she's asking something. Like putting her hand on my shoulder when she's asking what do i want to eat for dinner. And always, i repeat, i always shrink away from her touch. It irks me how she's touching me. I even told her just now to stop touching me. This family is like so superficial, no emotional value in it. Im starting to dislike going home.





Pathetic.


Pathetic family.